did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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