My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
