I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
