Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
