thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
