Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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