I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
