I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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