I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
