I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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