i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
