man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
