I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
