I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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