After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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