i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
