Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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