If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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