i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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