I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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