i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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