In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
