My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
