i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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