someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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