Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
