just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
