I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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