Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
