How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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