This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
