She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
