My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
