He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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