Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
