i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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