New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
