You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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