On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
should my penis look like a turkey
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
