He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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