If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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