did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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