I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
