The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
