the condom got lost in my hair
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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