He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
