i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
