Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have fence marks all over my body
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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