is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
