I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We are all done wearing pants today
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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