billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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