Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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