Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
