sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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