There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize