I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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