does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
