If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We left the knife in your bed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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