Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
