I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
