He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
