i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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