I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
