She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
