Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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