yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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