Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
