In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
