I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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