4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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